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Recovering from BPD takes a long time and cannot be done without adequate support.
Positive support enables recovery. Recovering from BPD takes a long time and cannot be done without adequate support. Attending a self-help group can be one source of support. Here are a few other suggestions.
The suggestions that follow can increase the positive support you're getting from your environment and decrease the negatives. None of these suggestions are easily implemented, but they can help you to advance your cause by leaps and bounds.
Avoid contact with negative family members . During the recovery period you should avoid contact with family members who view you in negative terms and who have not acknowledged their responsibility for the psychotraumatic environment of your childhood. Contact with such family members can re-ignite traumatic memories and feelings, and can increase the likelihood of self-injurious action. During recovery you need to protect yourself from contacts that could trigger such harmful actions. Confront your negative family members when your recovery is secure, when you feel strong and positive about yourself, and when your actions have become much more consistent. Read Chapter Ten for more discussion of this topic.
Avoid exposure to negative peers, places, or things . This is only common sense. You must cut yourself off from everyone, everything, and everyplace that supported your former, self-injurious behavior. Exposure to old friends with whom you got high can trigger you to do the same. Exposure to old abusive romantic partners can, at a vulnerable moment, lead you to submit to their abuse for some affection. Leave those people, places, and things behind in the Borderline Zone. And do not look back!
Avoid taking on new and major responsibilities (e.g., baby, marriage, demanding jobs) during your recovery period . Working your way through the Recovery Zone is a very stressful experience. Even though it is a healthy form of stress, it will consume a large amount of your psychological energy. New responsibilities of a major nature will also put significant energy demands upon you. For this reason, they should be postponed until you feel yourself successfully exiting the Recovery Zone. A baby, a marriage, or a new, high pressure job might overload you and push you back into the Borderline Zone. It is better to be cautious. Protect your recovery and your future by staying focused and free from major, new demands.
Seek the company of positive role models, friends and family . Birds of a feather flock together. This is an old saying that by now should have new meaning for you. Cheerleaders, mentors, true friends, and insightful family members are the people who will help you get through the Recovery Zone and into the Free Zone. The Free Zone is the psychological space that your self-help work will empower you to reach. Once there, you will know that you will never go back to whom and what you once were. Find positive people to reinforce your positive affirmations and your journey will be rewarded with joy and satisfaction.
Join a club or group that can help you develop a healthy interest or hobby . You will need to replace your self-injurious addictions and distractions with positive, self-esteem building activities. There are thousands and thousands of clubs, hobbies, and sports that you can choose from. Your frustrated dreams, and childhood dead ends can become your guide to a richer and healthier lifestyle. Seek them out and you will find what you need. Trust in your inner goodness.
Check out the Internet for support groups and chat groups . The Internet is a fantastic way to connect with people who are struggling to exit the Borderline Zone. There are chat groups (people who talk by computer to each other), web pages (designed by people like, Josh, who are working to exit the zone), and information resources that you can use to further your own recovery. We have also designed a Web page for the use by the readers of this book (you are here now).
Keep a journal of your progress. Make one short entry each day. Pick out what you did right today, not what went wrong . Start a section in your Recovery Journal entitled, "My Daily Success." Record only those things that you did right. Ignore the negatives. Focus on your success, big and small. Enjoy them. Savor them. Rejoice in them. And allow them to guide you forward with confidence and grace.
Begin to re-engineer your value system: value consistency, fairness and self-discipline as your virtues . The "values" from your childhood need to be rethought. This is the time to think about the values you would teach to your child. What would you want them to hold dear? What would you want them to believe in? Make these values part of your new life.
Take excellent care of your physical appearance and health . How you look on the outside directly reflects what you feel on the inside. Caring for your appearance and health means that you are a good person. Start simply. Be consistent. Take pride in the results.